i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
