we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
