Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
