the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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