Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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