I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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