I will die if light touches me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
