Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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