Porn is love you can see.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize