i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
