I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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