He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
