So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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