..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
