I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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