I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
