Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
