I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
