I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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