and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
