Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
