i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
