Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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