I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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