3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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