Don't you send me to vm
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
