in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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