what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
