I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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