she woke up with a sticky ear
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Rumble strips road head = magical
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
