My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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