if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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