WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
