his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
