I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You've changed since you got that strap on
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
