woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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