And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
