I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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