Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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