At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So. Much. Porn.
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