I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
