Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
