what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize