we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
