I faked an abortion last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
