I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
