I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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