Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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