I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
