We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you had me at cake vodka
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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