I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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