stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
