Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
