we have pet lesbian snakes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
