We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize