The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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