NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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