hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
