I smell stomach acid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
