he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
