I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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