my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize