I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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