I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
