yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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