Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
