please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
