whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
