How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
