I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
