is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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