Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize