He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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