he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Of course I have a pirate flag
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
