I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Enjoy the penises
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
