Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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