Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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