is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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