Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
