yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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