The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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