i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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