OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
