Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
