Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
