i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
