i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
