I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
