six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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