Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
