Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
