It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
