hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
