please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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