What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
